Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
