I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
