I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize