I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
