Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
