dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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