i think my tv is drunk
It's Friday. Sex?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
