Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
