Acid is not a monday night drug
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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