pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
