Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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