I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM VODKA MAN
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
