I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
