need another drink. this is the easiest way
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
