just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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