I CAN MOONWALK!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
