doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My dick has a subreddit
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
