Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
