Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize