u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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