there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
