why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Randomize
