imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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