in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
