I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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