In the future we'll all be gay
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
