I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
