After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize