I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
