its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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