just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
