His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize