So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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