I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
