well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
