whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
