I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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