Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
