Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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