She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize