They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
