My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
