Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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