this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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