If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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