We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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