Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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