I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
