I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
