Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
