i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
