So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
