so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
