Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
