I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize