I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
