Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
