Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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