end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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