With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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