I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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