Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
