a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just googled if crying burns calories
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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