i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
